One Word: Circles
"You’re doing it again,” she complained. Her lips were turned down into a frown. Over the past few months the lines around her mouth started to crease into the familiar expression. She would spend the rest of the night in front of the mirror pulling and prodding the tender area as if that could perform a miracle facelift.
He stirred his cup, spoon clinking loudly against the ceramic mug, one more time for good measure. Maybe her eye would twitch again and he would relish in the personal victory.
The café they decided to stop in was just off of the highway outside of Nashville. It was small with yellow linoleum floors, dark wooden tables, and smelled of coffee and butter. There was a consistent flow of people looking for a quick pick me up on their journey to wherever. It wasn’t her idea to pull off; she wanted to keep going. She thought it was because the rain was coming down in sheets, submerging the roads in two feet of water, but it was the silence in the car that was becoming big enough to devour him whole. After 20 hours of driving, they were 45 minutes to their destination. She was almost literally stewing right in front of him.
“Are you almost done?” she prodded. She tried to sound sweet, but the words came out short and nagging. He wanted to stretch out the last few sips a little longer just to see how far she would go. Would she get tired of his game and walk out? The keys were in her purse. Or would she just sit there and passive aggressively watch him, unblinking.
“Just about,” he answered, swirling his cup as he leaned back.
The bell above the door rang and a weathered looking family pushed through, shaking out their rain-soaked coats.
“Jamie, look! They have doughnuts!” The little girl yelled excitedly to her older brother. She grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the display window. Her pudgy little index finger pointed to a plain doughnut with vanilla icing and pink sprinkles. “I want that one!” She turned to her parents who were coming up behind them.
“Mommy! I can I have one?” she pleaded bouncing on her toes.
The young mother looked over at her husband with a softness in her eyes that revealed that she was going to cave even though she shouldn’t.
“Alright, honey. How about you Jamie?” She bent down beside her two children and watched her son’s eyes graze over the selection. Jamie took his time assessing his options before deciding, “That one.” A simple chocolate dipped doughnut.
“That’s boring Jamie. There aren’t even any sprinkles,” the little girl whined.
“Well yours is too girly,” he countered and looked up at his dad. “My doughnut isn’t boring is it, Dad?”
His father smiled at him. “Of course not. How can it be boring when it’s my favourite? I’ll get one too.”
Jamie’s eyes lit up.
“Cara, anything for you?” The father stepped up to the counter and placed their order.
He watched as the family moved toward a table at the back of the cafe, the kids oohing in delight at the first tastes of their treats.
Her attention was focused on the family as well. He couldn’t read the look in her eyes but the frown on her lips creased further, making her look like she was 10 years older. An unspeakable tension settled over them. He wanted to say something, anything to make the frown go away, but he’s become so used to it. He wasn’t sure if there would be another expression she’d ever use again.
Her eyes followed the little girl through the sea of tables but stopped at the purple hat that had fallen to the floor, unnoticed by all four of them. Her lips pursed for a moment before she got up, reaching for the hat and massaging the fabric in her hand before moving forward.
The mother turned to her and offered a grateful smile, placing the hat on the table. Both children looked up at her with bright, curious eyes, faces smeared with icing and sugar.
Her body language changed from apprehensive to rigid.
She leaned a little back as the mother tried to carry on polite conversation but she was caught like a deer in headlights. He wondered if the right thing was to go save her from herself, but he was caught watching the exchange with fascination. She hadn’t so much as looked at kids since four months ago. He never brought it up. It was unspoken that she was not interested in discussing her feelings with him. She never asked about his either.
With a slight wave goodbye, she made her way back over to their table, eyes on the floor. In one motion she grabbed her purse from the back of the chair and kept walking through the door, heading straight for the car.
Maybe they weren’t going to be able to move past this. He thought it would get easier as the months went on, but she was not interested in getting better. She was trapped in her own head, betrayed by her own body. He was only allowed to watch as she fell further into a hole. Maybe this was not the life for them. Maybe he was not going to be the one to pull her out and they were tricking themselves into a forced reality.
He watched her stop before the passenger door, looking up at the sky, letting the rain bathe her as if it was some sort of purifying water. Her shoulders were shaking but she stood there as if she didn’t recognize her body violently jerking beneath her.
He was supposed to feel something, but he didn’t. He felt annoyed if anything.
She was ruining herself. She was ruining him.
He looked down at his mug, swirling his cold coffee in a circle once more before draining it.
They just needed to make it to Nashville. After that, they won’t have to pretend anymore and she’ll be on her own.
He stirred his cup, spoon clinking loudly against the ceramic mug, one more time for good measure. Maybe her eye would twitch again and he would relish in the personal victory.
The café they decided to stop in was just off of the highway outside of Nashville. It was small with yellow linoleum floors, dark wooden tables, and smelled of coffee and butter. There was a consistent flow of people looking for a quick pick me up on their journey to wherever. It wasn’t her idea to pull off; she wanted to keep going. She thought it was because the rain was coming down in sheets, submerging the roads in two feet of water, but it was the silence in the car that was becoming big enough to devour him whole. After 20 hours of driving, they were 45 minutes to their destination. She was almost literally stewing right in front of him.
“Are you almost done?” she prodded. She tried to sound sweet, but the words came out short and nagging. He wanted to stretch out the last few sips a little longer just to see how far she would go. Would she get tired of his game and walk out? The keys were in her purse. Or would she just sit there and passive aggressively watch him, unblinking.
“Just about,” he answered, swirling his cup as he leaned back.
The bell above the door rang and a weathered looking family pushed through, shaking out their rain-soaked coats.
“Jamie, look! They have doughnuts!” The little girl yelled excitedly to her older brother. She grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the display window. Her pudgy little index finger pointed to a plain doughnut with vanilla icing and pink sprinkles. “I want that one!” She turned to her parents who were coming up behind them.
“Mommy! I can I have one?” she pleaded bouncing on her toes.
The young mother looked over at her husband with a softness in her eyes that revealed that she was going to cave even though she shouldn’t.
“Alright, honey. How about you Jamie?” She bent down beside her two children and watched her son’s eyes graze over the selection. Jamie took his time assessing his options before deciding, “That one.” A simple chocolate dipped doughnut.
“That’s boring Jamie. There aren’t even any sprinkles,” the little girl whined.
“Well yours is too girly,” he countered and looked up at his dad. “My doughnut isn’t boring is it, Dad?”
His father smiled at him. “Of course not. How can it be boring when it’s my favourite? I’ll get one too.”
Jamie’s eyes lit up.
“Cara, anything for you?” The father stepped up to the counter and placed their order.
He watched as the family moved toward a table at the back of the cafe, the kids oohing in delight at the first tastes of their treats.
Her attention was focused on the family as well. He couldn’t read the look in her eyes but the frown on her lips creased further, making her look like she was 10 years older. An unspeakable tension settled over them. He wanted to say something, anything to make the frown go away, but he’s become so used to it. He wasn’t sure if there would be another expression she’d ever use again.
Her eyes followed the little girl through the sea of tables but stopped at the purple hat that had fallen to the floor, unnoticed by all four of them. Her lips pursed for a moment before she got up, reaching for the hat and massaging the fabric in her hand before moving forward.
The mother turned to her and offered a grateful smile, placing the hat on the table. Both children looked up at her with bright, curious eyes, faces smeared with icing and sugar.
Her body language changed from apprehensive to rigid.
She leaned a little back as the mother tried to carry on polite conversation but she was caught like a deer in headlights. He wondered if the right thing was to go save her from herself, but he was caught watching the exchange with fascination. She hadn’t so much as looked at kids since four months ago. He never brought it up. It was unspoken that she was not interested in discussing her feelings with him. She never asked about his either.
With a slight wave goodbye, she made her way back over to their table, eyes on the floor. In one motion she grabbed her purse from the back of the chair and kept walking through the door, heading straight for the car.
Maybe they weren’t going to be able to move past this. He thought it would get easier as the months went on, but she was not interested in getting better. She was trapped in her own head, betrayed by her own body. He was only allowed to watch as she fell further into a hole. Maybe this was not the life for them. Maybe he was not going to be the one to pull her out and they were tricking themselves into a forced reality.
He watched her stop before the passenger door, looking up at the sky, letting the rain bathe her as if it was some sort of purifying water. Her shoulders were shaking but she stood there as if she didn’t recognize her body violently jerking beneath her.
He was supposed to feel something, but he didn’t. He felt annoyed if anything.
She was ruining herself. She was ruining him.
He looked down at his mug, swirling his cold coffee in a circle once more before draining it.
They just needed to make it to Nashville. After that, they won’t have to pretend anymore and she’ll be on her own.
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